iced hōjicha latte and vanity
Iced hōjicha latte and miso tiramisu. An order I used to once share, now I sit waiting for it, solo. Odd enough this doesn't invoke any sense of sadness. It's just a fact. As much as the sun will come up tomorrow.
I never did understand customising orders. I always felt that by changing any component to an item I was being a pain in the arse the staff/chefs. Even if this change of the item brought with it extra charge, I would feel bad.
Perhaps this guilt is something worth looking into deeper. A sense of always feeling that I am being a pain to others. Or, is it more from a place of selfishness and vanity? If I don't customise the items in my order, the staff will like me for having a normal order. Especially if they have just taken an order from someone with one too many customisations. I have a tendency to be like. I enjoy attention. But not to the point where I'll seek negative attention, as a child would.
Is it such a bad thing to want to be liked? After al we as humans - way back when - needed to be liked by others for one main reason: survival.
Tribes and the such depended on the collective to function. If you were not liked by the majority, you would be exiled - either softly or explicitly. Either way you would be signing your own death sentence. I imagine my desire to be liked by most comes down to this more baser instinct (primal?). Thus my conclusion is that it is not a bad modus operandi.
Now, as for the matter of vanity. I wish to look and feel good. So I say, but is that the truth, or the truth that I wish to be perceived as such. What I truly feel doesn't matter. What I feel will be dependant on how others perceive me. Perhaps this behaviour too can be tied to something more primal. But some part me disagrees. I need to find a way to have a more intrinsic source of confidence as opposed to relying others. Wishing to please others.